Always, Always Check for Purpose

Sometimes, it is good to ask ‘Do I love this?’ but sometimes it is far better to ask ‘Where is this going?’ As we grow older, I think the latter question becomes a much better way of assessing relationships of all kinds, formal, romantic and in between.

I think I see why some people don’t like this question. It’s a question whose answer is often clear to us subconsciously but which we do not have the courage to admit. It is the kind of question that removes the comforting veil of denial and forces us to do something. It’s the kind of question that leads us to confront our mistakes and fears. It’s the kind of question that can lead to a midlife crisis. This is exactly why it is a question we should be accustomed to asking ourselves regularly.

The upside to asking this tough question is that it often leads us to reaffirm our responsibility for our relationships, and to exercise the powers that come it. It can lead us to regain control of our lives. Precious things which could have been lost can instead be saved, and some things not worth saving can be set free.

It’s Never Too Early To Plan For Anything

Perhaps one of the most understated responsibilities of adulthood is the need to be prepared for life. Another way of saying this is that we must try to not be taken unawares by life itself. Some things we desire may come too soon, too late or not at all. There will be surprises (pleasant & unpleasant). But when they arise, we should not be unprepared. It’s the principle behind insurance and emergency budgets. And it is the reason why it’s never too early to plan for any circumstance.

The mental dimension to this is that we need to consider likely possibilities and in so doing, allow ourselves to prepare to face them.

Being prepared in this sense is also one way to ensure we adjust our expectations in the face of new realities. Expectations can become a hindrance especially when they point us blindly in one direction. History and literature show us that many times, it’s not the circumstance that ruins a person but the toll of having precious expectations destroyed. This is a hard but important lesson. We should have hope and faith. But, we should also be prepared.

Redefine, Reinvent, Repeat!

We tend to associate the need to reinvent the self with failures and setbacks. But they are not the only reasons to take a second look at how we define ourselves and what we think makes us who we are. I think the real reason to do so is that the past gets old very fast and the future demands that we aspire to greater things. Using the past (achievements, experiences, assumptions, conclusions, etc) as a reference point can be limiting in its own way.

Specifically, it can leave us blind to the realities of the moment. We reinvent ourselves not because of the past but for the future. Ultimately, it’s not about losing yourself. It’s about renewing, changing and growing for the better. Experience shows progress does not happen on autopilot. It has to be cultivated consciously. Therefore, be prepared to redefine, reinvent and repeat.

Regret Without Surrender

‘No Regrets’ is an expression I’ve heard a lot and as an attitude, it has its advantages. But I think there will always be regrets because no one is perfect. They’ll bubble up from time to time with the benefit of hindsight. As we age, what we regret and how we deal with regrets will matter more and more.

It will determine if we continue to repeat the mistakes of the past. It will determine the wisdom we pass on to our children. It will certainly determine what we do when the opportunity to change things arises as it so often unexpectedly does.

It is not a sign of weakness to have regrets. What matters is that we do not allow our past to defeat the possibilities for the present and future. We need to learn to regret without surrendering to the hold of the past, whatever form it may take.

Be Your Own Champion!

You are your strongest and most dependable ally. You need to be. You have to be. You can’t live your life waiting for validation because in this crooked world, there is every chance it may never come.

Everyday of your life, YOU have to be THE good reason no one ignores or discounts you. If you wake up every morning to find a stonewall in your face, then your first waking act must always be to break it down. If the flames of pride and self-confidence grow weak, rekindle them. If no one loves you, love yourself. If no one respects you, respect yourself. If they underestimate you, show them the folly of their ways. If they forget, make them remember. If they poison the well, make it clean again.

Dare to be whole, with or without the applause. Your life is too precious to be left at the mercy of an audience.